October GOALS


Alright, it has been a couple of weeks since I last posted here. I started another blog dedicated more to #lifestyle, #parenting and #diy. Feel free to follow me there, as well. 🙂

Anyway, I haven’t forgotten about you, my little LovingMyselfToFit, I promise! Here are my unscripted goals for this month.

(I did not do September ‘perfectly’, but what I found was that having a list of goals gave me ideals to strive toward. Some days were better than others, but the objective is to keep coming back to the goals and keep trying.)

1. Work on learning to manifest, and utilize resources; (sponsor, sister, cds). Really focus on manifesting what I want.

2. Kitchen closes at 8pm.

3. Exercise 3 x a week.

4. Choose one night a week – Thursday or Saturday night, and turn OFF phone at 8pm.

5. Pack husband’s lunch 1 x a week (min).

6. Practice Affirmations in mirror.

7. Read 11th step every morning.

(I may be adding to this list. Stay tuned…)

What are your October goals???


Keep Coming Back


Last night I went to the gym. I haven’t been in ages. Not that I haven’t worked out, it just hasn’t been at the gym. Once I get beyond my (bruised) ego, and let go of what you may (or may not) be thinking of me, the gym is a wonderful place for me. It felt good to show up and put in some work.

My motto as of late is to keep coming back (to anything healthy or uplifting).

I think consistency takes practice.

Also, just a note on affirmations–I feel a difference, when I practice these. I am finding that throughout the day, some of the affirmations I have been working on this month, are making an appearance as actual thoughts.

And one last thing about monthly goals. I think if they can be viewed as an ideal to strive for, instead of a black & white / pass or fail test, my ‘success’ rate vastly improves. Keep coming back to the goals, with the understanding and the self-forgiveness that I may very well stray from them.


The Hardest Part is Showing Up


I used to be a gym-rat.

Lately, I am in fear about returning to the gym, because I don’t look how I wish I did. I work out at home instead, but I miss the gym. I miss having a place where I can truly zone out and work out. It is the silliest catch-22 ever. People go to the gym to get healthier and to get in shape, yet many of us (I know I am not alone here), don’t feel fit enough to be seen there.

I know this is in my head. I know this is my ego. My ego is not my amigo.

I feel like I have fallen ‘behind’, and that it’s ‘too late’–it’s not. The gym used to be my zen-place. The gym was my salvation, and I think it still could be.

For today, I commit to going to the gym. The hardest part is showing up.


Break Down — Break Through (?)


Isn’t that what ‘they’ always say? A breakdown leads to a breakthrough?

Last night something welled up in me, and overflowed and came pouring out of my eyes. The trigger of the situation doesn’t even really matter as much as the feelings and old beliefs that came flooding in to my mind.

This process is at times, much much harder than it seems on paper. I spend a good chunk of my time re-learning how to have a relationship with myself. I spend time trying to build some self-love, self-acceptance and general kindness toward myself. I get sad–or mad, and frustrated that this is something that I have to work so hard at.

Sometimes I think it is okay to not feel okay.

What truly hit me like a ton of bricks last night, was that my old mantra isn’t even true. Let me explain. I have an old belief that being thin can pretty much ‘fix’ anything. It goes something like this:

If I am skinny… then I will feel sexy again.

If I am skinny… then people will like/respect me more.

If I am skinny… then I will feel different.

If I am skinny… then I will look like Super Mom.

If I am skinny… then I will look like I have it all together.

And so on… (you get the idea).

I had a moment last night, where I thought I missed my eating disorder, because it kept me so skinny. But here is what I realized, every negative thing that I feel today, (40 pounds heavier than I ‘was’), I felt then too. Even in a size 4. Even in a size 2.

–Enter breakdown.

It’s a devastating thing to realize, right? This mantra, this (mis)belief that skinny-ness could cure these horrible feelings, is not even true when I look at the evidence. Last night… I felt crushed. I felt directionless. I felt solution-less. I felt stuck. And the thought that crept in to my head was, it’s an inside job.

Funny how it always comes back to this.

It is my job to take the actions, and the rest is up to god / the universe / the source / my higher self. Or whatever you want to call it.

Keeping it real…



Recipe for Recovery

recipe clipartHere is my ‘Perfect Storm’ recipe for disaster:

  • 1 part lack of sleep
  • 1 part laziness (aka lack of physical exercise)
  • 1 part lack of writing
  • a pinch of self pity
  • a large scoop of negative self-talk (aka lack of affirmations)
  • a splash of despair (aka lack of spiritual connection)

  Blend and serve.


Yesterday was not my favorite. I think in recovery, it is inevitable to take two steps forward, and one step back. It is my least favorite part. It’s like you start to build some decent momentum, and then boom! Humbled.

So what is the difference this time? My reaction. I have some residual anxiety from some of the food choices I made yesterday, but today I can go right back to the basics. Today I do not have to punish myself by reliving yesterday. One of my affirmations is letting go of guilt surrounding my food choices. I am realizing that this little group of words is monumental, for me. Such a huge part of my disordered eating has had to do with how I feel about certain foods. I am definitely one of those people who labels foods good and bad, The problem with this, is my reaction. If I over eat, (or even just eat) the foods on the bad list, my reaction in the past has been to ‘un-do’ it. Or, to say ‘fuck it’, and over do it.

If I think back to the worst days of my eating disorder, the foods on the good list, were treated the same way. I was a prisoner.

But I will save that for another post; another day.

So what can I do today. What are the things that work for me. If I treat this process as if I am collecting data, then here is what I can conclude thus far:

  • Writing my morning pages is helpful. I am still completely unsure of why. It still feels completely pointless, other than it ‘cleans’ my mind out a bit. I usually scribble these pages in illegible markings that slightly resemble the English language.
  • Praying in the morning makes me feel…even. (More) balanced; not perfectly.
  • Physical movement relives me of my anger. I am still exploring where my anger stems from. But what I do know, is that exercising alleviates a lot of it. And maybe my anger and frustration come merely from not giving my body a regular, proper outlet.
  • Affirmations build self esteem which leads me to better choices. All I know, is that looking in a mirror and saying a few words that positively affirm what I want in life, feels like a big hug.And the days when I am doing this practice, my choices are a lot more simple.
  • Meditation makes me feel tingly and calm. This is by far the hardest one for me to implement in to my day. I have a hard time finding me-time, and this requires just that.
  • Forgiveness is possibly the most important part of this equation. First and foremost, I have to forgive myself. I am not, and will never be perfect. It is a life-long ideal that must be eliminated from my scope of expectation. I will make mistakes. If I sit in the mistake, kicking my own ass over it, I cannot move forward. I also must forgive, (and ease up on) others. I am really hard on people, I think–especially those closest to me. I am thinking if I continue to learn to ease up on me, I will naturally begin to ease up on you.

So the final conclusion of it all? Today is a new day. I have 2 choices here. I can dwell in yesterday, dissecting every moment and every choice and send myself to the principal’s office for further punishment. Orrrrrr, I can dust myself off, kiss yesterday goodbye, and make different choices today. Hmmm, seems like a no-brainer, right? If you are feeling guilty or shitty about your yesterday(s), this is me giving you permission to let it go, and move forward. (Sometimes we need a little push in the right direction.)

Until we meet again, my beautiful people.


I Love the 80’s


Alright, so this isn’t really fitness-related, but I bought in and switched my theme. I am such a sucker for all things eighties! I can’t help myself. The little girl in me does a happy dance when her childhood is honored in any way, shape or form. And today, that form comes in a WordPress theme. 🙂

What is it about nostalgia? I spend a lot of my time working on staying present, but the feeling of nostalgia feels like home.

Also, side note: this week has been perfectly imperfect. I can feel myself striving, and perhaps even shifting. I have faith and hope. I am practicing my affirmations, and it feels GOOD. And holy shit, it feels good to feel good. I also did a 20 minute guided meditation yesterday, (with Deepak Chopra and OPRAH!) I plan on doing another one today.

And I guess switching my theme to the eighties theme does have to do with my fitness, because it has to do with honoring myself–honoring my inner child. Want to know a silly confession? I was afraid to switch it from the one I was already using (hexa). I love geometry (the ONLY math I like), and I love the honey-comb, hexagon shapes on that theme. I was afraid of the change (are you getting the symbolism here?) But I made the change anyway. And now I am happy about it, and I can always change back. This is my life and me, in a nut shell. Or my past me. It’s all about those baby steps. It’s all about doing (even the very) little things that make you happy.

And with that, I am off. Wishing you all a healthy and peaceful Friday!


More >> A f f i r m a t i o n s << (21 Affirmations for natural weight loss)


21 Healing Affirmations for Natural Weight Loss

1. I am feeling healthier and stronger with each day that passes.

2. I choose to breathe in relaxation and breathe out stress.

3. I am learning how to love my body.

4. My health is improving and so is my life.

5. Today, I focus on the good things that are unfolding in my life.

6. Trusting my body is becoming easier and easier.

7. It’s safe for me to be myself.

8. Healing is happening in my body and in my mind.

9. I am surrounded and protected in healing white light.

10. Everything I eat heals me and nourishes me.

11. Making small changes is becoming easier for me.

12. Healing happens with each baby step I take.

13. I am choosing progress over perfection.

14. I am guided by my intuition. I know what to eat and how to live my life.

15. I naturally connect with other like-minded, positive people.

16. Letting go of the past is good for me. It is safe for me to let go.

17. I can feel that everything is beginning to change.

18. I am feeling healthy, focused and determined.

19. Lots of new and exciting things are opening up in my life.

20. I can heal my body. I am healing my body. My body is healing.

21. I can do this. I am doing this. Healing is happening right now.

**Source: Mind, Body, Green

Check-up // Check-in

I am being accountable. I am checking back in on my September goals, because my head sometimes likes to conveniently forget. So far I am doing alright. My aim is not for perfection, (if it was, I would have already ‘failed’, and the goal is set myself up to succeed.)

I have these amazing affirmations a friend sent me from Mind, Body Green. They feel so good to say, so these are going to be my September affirmations. Here they are, in case anyone else would like to use them:

  1. I believe in my ability to truly love myself for who I am.
  2. I accept my body shape and acknowledge the beauty it holds.
  3. I am the creator of my future and driver of my mind.
  4. I let go of unhelpful patterns of behaviour around food.
  5. I allow myself to make choices and decisions for my higher good.
  6. I bring the qualities of fulfilment, happiness and contentment into my life as I am now.
  7. I let go of any guilt I hold around food choices.
  8. I accept my body for the shape I have been blessed with.
  9. I let go of relationships that are no longer for my higher good.
  10. I believe in myself and acknowledge my greatness.
  11. I allow myself to feel good being me.
  12. I accept myself for who I am.
  13. I bring the qualities of love into my heart.
  14. I have hope and certainty about the future.
  15. I am grateful for the body I own and all it does for me.

As for the rest of the goals… My social media use is definitely down, and it feels really amazing! It feels good to have that little victory. Victories remind me that change is possible. And victories tell me that maybe I can have this same feeling in regards to my body. Victories must be celebrated.

I haven’t packed my hubby’s lunch this week, yet, so I suppose I can plan to do that tomorrow. (I used to do this daily, before we had a child. He must miss it).

I haven’t done any yoga or running this week. I walked my ass off at Disneyland, today, but i would like to get a run and a yoga in this week, (2 more days–I can do it!)

I haven’t had late-night ice cream, which is another victory, yet for some reason my head likes to talk shit to me instead of celebrate this. But whatever, head. This is a victory as well!

I haven’t had my ‘artist date’ yet this week, and I have been majorly of the wagon this week, with my Artist Way course. It is an easy fix, though. I am pretty sure I have eaten something green every day, as well. So. I am in decent shape with these goals…3 days in. Ha. But whatever. It is a good start, and I can see where my challenges are, and I am excited to practice reaching toward these goals.

I am tired. That is all.


S E P T E M B E R {goals}


I was inspired by another blogger to create a goals list for September. It is such a simple suggestion, but pretty powerful. Usually the best ideas are the simple ones. I like the idea of affirming my goals. So without further hesitation here are my September goals:

  • Practice my affirmations (at least) 2x daily. This means stepping it up a bit, and getting consistent.
  • Do my morning pages every morning, no matter what.
  • Yoga 3x a week.
  • Run 1x a week.
  • Eat something green every day.
  • Pack Husbands lunch 1x a week.
  • Go on an artist-date (with myself) 1x a week.
  • Scale back on social media (not sure what this looks like, other than allowing myself to be more present with my daughter, and people in general.)      

      ***One thing to give up: Ice cream at night with husband. I can make a protein shake instead.

These feel challenging, but doable.

What are your goals for September??


On Being Yourself

The journey is in getting back to our authentic selves. Happy Friday.

Whitney Joy

When we decide to live as the people we were born to be, we move toward things that resonate with us. When something resonates, it’s because we recognize ourselves in its essence. As we continue to live authentically, we come across more and more that resonates with us. The more we find things that resonate, and the greater our focus upon them, the more thoroughly authentic our lives become. Soon we see that our purpose, and our inherent right, is simply to be ourselves. Soon we see that what we really want, under the guise of material items, relationships, etc., is more of ourselves.

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